Wednesday, March 25, 2009

When do you become a ‘Grown-Up’?


When do you become a Grown-Up?

This is something I contemplate every few years (usually around the time of a milestone birthday): I’m 40 years old & I still don’t feel grown up.

Perhaps it has something to do with me being a musician & not having a steady job. Or maybe it’s the fact that I don’t have too many responsibilities – my flat, car, TV etc don’t belong to the bank they’re all mine.

And the fact that I’m still single (although I had a 7 year relationship & that never made me feel like an adult).

One scary moment for me was buying my first appliance. You see before that I had either lived in communes or survived on hand-me-downs. It was a fridge. My little bar fridge packed up & I decided it was time to buy a real one. I found an enormous (it didn’t look that big in the shop) monstrosity which scared that hell out of me every time I went into the kitchen. I actually still own the damn thing & it always looks empty, no matter how much food I buy!

Anyway buying that fridge almost made me feel grownup.

I’ve subsequently managed to buy loads of appliances without feeling at all like an adult.

You see I measure the value of appliances in CDs, guitars, books, gadgets & other nice things, & it’s always tough for me to decide between the grownup choice, and the fun one.

Like this:

My fridge is worth about 35CDs.

My washing machine & tumble drier together are worth quite a nice acoustic guitar I saw in the music shop.

Renovations I did on my flat: Worth1 top-of-the-range custom-made Paul Reed Smith Guitar! Damn it was difficult making the choice between the two. I guess if I had the money 15 years ago I would have gone for the guitar.

My mom died a few years ago after a short battle with cancer. I had 2 months of real quality time with her, & brought my concern up. She told me that she thought people arrive at their own personal age, & stop there. My mom claimed she always felt 30.

I think I’m 24.

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  1. Beautiful,
    I always feel 16 with a grace to far more than my age. The only difference is that the choices i made in the past places me among the 35 - 40 yr olds.
    Pondering life's problems sometimes makes me reconsider my position on been a 16 yr old boy.
    Today, i'm 26 but I'm still 16 on the inside. Although without the childish stuffs:)

  2. I have been a parent for 17 years and I only feel 18. Think my son is a lot smarter and a lot wiser than I am some of the time. Thought being a parent would make me grow up, but I was sadly mistaken.

    Who wants to grow up anyway, adults are boring!

  3. My favourite quote by Margaret Atwood: "Another belief of mine: that everyone else my age is an adult, whereas I am merely in disguise."

    I have always felt like I'm just playing grown-up, despite having all the trappings of adulthood - a flat, a car, a husband, a full-time job...

  4. You are as young as the woman you feel! :D

    Nah seriously...the whole concept of being 'grown up' seems terribly dull doesn't it??

  5. I needed to read this...I told myself today...I want to be a grown up!!!